What is dad trying to teach me? What should I learn here?

I'll admit, I have a love-hate relationship with God's discipline. On the one hand he tells me He disciplines me because He loves me and considers me to be a "legitimate child." But on the other hand, well, discipline is just hard! Consider Hebrews 12:

   " 5  Have you forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons: "My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, 
    6  because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son."
    7  Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? 8  If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. 9  Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! 10  Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. 11  No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it."

When I'm disciplining one of my five sons, or my one daughter, I always look for one thing: Is this discipline going all the way into their hearts? I can correct behavior with punishment but what I'm really after is lasting character change. So I almost always stop and talk to them. Each time, I explain the world a little more and describe how they fit into it. Depending on their age (my oldest is 13 and youngest is 6) I want them to gain insight into their own hearts and ultimately come out a little more like Christ. I can always tell when they're resisting the deeper lessons I'm trying to teach. Sometimes their resistance means they get talked to for quite awhile as I try different angles to get my points across. If I continue to have trouble sometimes I stop and make them say, "What is dad trying to teach me here?" Ultimately I'm after a true lesson learned. It takes patience but it sure is worth it to see their character develope. 

God does the same with us. We start going thru something hard, whether the result of our own mistakes or the mistakes of someone else, and we begin  to feel we are under God's discipline. The very best thing we can do first is ask, "God, what do I need to learn here? What lesson are you trying to teach me?" We should ask Him everyday until we have learned the lesson he is trying to teach us. If discipline goes on for awhile we should not loose heart because it is our heart He is trying to change. But beware of pride. 

When I'm trying to work into my kids a better character the main enemy is always, without a doubt, pride. I face off with their pride more times than not. They start out blaming others, making excuses, or shutting down. It's my goal to cut thru their ego and help them truly grow. Sometimes, as the pride falls, they hang their heads in shame over what they've done, so I say, "Look up at me. Look me in the eyes. I love you!" I stay at it until I'm satisfied they have accepted my forgiveness, taken their due responsibility and have learned something valuable. Character does not develop in an instant. It takes working against their pride. 

The main enemy of God's discipline with us is also pride. We face a hardship and we blame others, make excuses, or shut down. I've done this with God too many times to count. My ego is enlarged and I'm at risk of missing the lesson and the heart change. Fortunately God stays after me until I learn the lesson. If I hang my head in shame He says, "Look up at me. I love you. I gave my Son for you. You are my child." He patiently stays at it with me until I've accepted His forgiveness, taken due responsibility, and learned something valuable. 

In my parenting of my children and in God's fathering of me the same holds true in this: "No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." The effort to discipline is worth it for April and I because we get to see our kids at peace. The same is true of God. He disciplines us because he wants us to be at peace. 

Can we be trained by God's discipline? That's up to us. It is certainly not easy to go thru God's discipline. However, the harvest of righteousness and peace is sure worth letting Him do so. The fact that we even receive His discipline is the best news for it means we are indeed legitimate children.