Joining a Church is NOT Like Marriage

...he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, 

in accordance with his pleasure and will—

Ephesians 1:4-6 

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I've heard it said that joining a church is like a marriage. The idea or teaching here is that it is a marriage to one another, a life-time commitment to the "people" of that church. When you "come to the Body" you are leaving everything else behind and "joining" yourself to this group of people, and it's "till death to us part." I have been searching for this idea in scripture and I just don't see it. The only way to get at this idea is through proof-texting. I can certainly appreciate the high level of commitment to one another. The world certainly needs more of that. But the primary imagery used in the Bible to describe what it means to "join" a church is one of adoption -- into the family of God -- where we become brothers and sisters to one another, not spouses. So in this post I'd like to explore more of what it means to "join" a church body, when that happens, and who we are commitment to, as well as describe what I think to be some of the pitfalls to saying "membership" is like a marriage.

In an age when commitment levels to a local body seem to be at an all-time low it is no wonder some groups or churches take on the "marriage to one another" teaching in order to counter this. Unfortunately this is another case of the pendulum swinging to far and overreacting to the problem. The problem is real for sure.  For some of the most immature reasons, people seem to drop their church like a peeing frog. I think the way we church shop in America makes God really sad. So there does need to be a higher level of dedication to one another. Absolutely. But we must be careful to not make commitment to one another an idol that competes for our ultimate allegiance to Christ Himself. In order to guard against this we should take a close look of what it means when we "join" with the Body of Christ. One of the best places to start in my very humble opinion is found in the word "adoption."

But when the set time had fully come, God sent his Son, born of a woman, born under the law, ⁵ to redeem those under the law, that we might receive adoption to sonship. ⁶ Because you are his sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, “Abba, Father.” ⁷ So you are no longer a slave, but God’s child; and since you are his child, God has made you also an heir. Galatians 4:4-6

The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.”Romans 8:14-16 

So we ARE adopted. And just like any healthy adoption we get a new life, a new name, and a new future inheritance. When are we adopted? We are adopted when we are saved. We are saved when we are adopted. But when does this happen? Does it happen when I join a church? No. It happens when the Spirit of God comes in, for this is a spiritual adoption. It happens when we believe. And it continues as we grow in our new identity, our new life, and our new name-sake. But it begins when we first believe.

Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God---children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband's will, but born of God. --John 1:12-13

There are many, many more scriptures in both Old and New Testaments which establish this point -- that we are adopted children of God, according to God's heart's desire from the very beginning. He has always wanted us to be part of a Spiritual family as His children and in fellowship with brothers and sisters in Christ. Scriptures like these:

Exodus 4:22 Exodus 4:23 ; Numbers 6:27 ; Deuteronomy 14:1 ; 26:18 ; 27:9 ; 28:10 ; Deuteronomy 32:5 Deuteronomy 32:6 ; 2 Samuel 7:14 ; 1 Chronicles 22:10 ; 28:6 ; 2 Chronicles 7:14 ; Proverbs 14:26 ; Isaiah 8:18 ; Isaiah 43:6 Isaiah 43:7 ; Isaiah 63:8 Isaiah 63:16 ; Jeremiah 3:19 ; Jeremiah 31:9 Jeremiah 31:20 ; Hosea 1:9 ; 11:1 ; Matthew 5:9 Matthew 5:45 ; 13:43 ; Luke 6:35 ; John 1:12John 1:13 ; 11:52 ; Acts 15:17 ; Romans 8:14-19 Romans 8:21 Romans 8:29 ; Romans 9:8 Romans 9:26 ; 2 Corinthians 6:17 ; Galatians 3:26 Galatians 3:29 ; 4:5-7 ; Ephesians 1:5 ; 2:19 ; Ephesians 3:6 Ephesians 3:15 ; Philippians 2:15 ; Hebrews 1:5 ; Hebrews 2:10 Hebrews 2:13 ; Hebrews 12:6Hebrews 12:7 Hebrews 12:9 ; 1 John 3:1 1 John 3:2 1 John 3:10 ; 4:4 ; Revelation 21:7

SO...

If I'm a child of God and you're a child of God that makes us brothers or sisters. It makes Yahweh our Father and Christ our brother. When I was saved I instantly gained brothers and sisters all over the world, and became part of an extensive family of believers. If I come visit your church, or if I even decide to "join" with your church Body, that is not when my salvation begins. Further, if I come visit your church and do NOT decide to "join" I'm still just as much your brother in Christ. This is not meant to down-play nor deminish the important role and work of the "local" Body of Christ. We do NEED each other. But my being part of this church or that church does not change the fact that we are brothers and sisters in Christ. This is the way God intends for it to be, and this is how we can say there is one Body.

Fortunately, we DO get to be with one another and "join" with one another. But this is NOT getting married to one another. This is simply getting to better know the brothers and sisters in our family, in God's family, in order that we might work together to advance our Father's Kingdom. It's that simple. If I come to a another person who is saved by Christ I think to myself, 'Here is another brother whom I have not met.' Or 'Here is another sister.' If I'm so lucky as to have on-going fellowship or even partnership with this brother or sister in a church then it's even more glorious, for we get to start taking care of one another as good brothers and sisters do. We get to do everything a happy, functional family gets to do-- eat, sing, pray, comfort, admonish, encourage, exhort, and love! We get to BE a family. But not just any family- we get to BE a Spiritual Family, set apart to do God's Will by the power of His Eternal Spirit-- and we get to do it together. So not only does our family full of brothers and sisters have honest relationships and terrific fun, we have the most important of family traits -- we have purpose! The result of understanding and accepting God's adoption, as well as coming to cherish one another as equals in a new family, and thereby joining together for God's common purpose, leads to one glorious and powerful thing -- freedom!!

Now, contrast this with the idea of joining a church as that of being married to one another. If we think of joining a church as getting married to another person or to a group of people then we more likely to get highly offended should a person leave. We might even say this is like a divorce. We are tempted to think, 'This person moved into my life, promised him or herself to me saying, ''till death to us part,' and now they are moving on. I'm crushed for they have left me!' Never mind that perhaps God's Spirit has prompted the person to move on to another work or another city. The offense is too great for that, for this idea of marriage clouds the very fabric of what it means to be brothers and sisters in Christ. The person who thinks of church membership as a marriage to one another cannot shake the emotion of rejection, nor the thoughts of betrayal, abandonment, and desertion. For this very reason, the marriage to one another idea is more than God ever intended. God reserved the marriage contract for husband and wife only. The commitment to a spouse IS supposed to be this high. But to put the idea of "church is marriage" on another person in a like manner is to tread on the paths of guilt and manipulation. There is no other way around it. We are not in a marriage to one another. We are Brothers and Sisters in Christ. This family status is not in any way weaker than the bonds of marriage; in fact, because God has deposited His Spirit in each of us as a guarantee of our mutual inheritance, I suggest it is stronger. And if we truly drop the marriage comparison, as well as the doctrinal divisions, opinions, and feelings that separate us, I believe we have a greater chance as brothers and sisters of an actual 'till death do us part,' regardless of where we live.

As a Brother or Sister in Christ I get to rejoice when I find you. I will ask you how you came to know the Lord. I will learn your story, your history, your likes and your personality. I will accept you as saved before you come to me. I will rejoice in your adopted status as much as I do my own, for in this I have gained another cherished treasure, one which bolsters my own faith and secures my own adopted status just a little bit more in my own mind. And as a Brother or Sister in Christ I get to be part of your life, even if God calls you to another work or to another city. I get to believe that God the Father speaks to you by His Spirit. And although I may not like it if God tells you to move away from me I will still treat you as a brother or sister by blessing and sending you, just as I would my own earthly brother. I will not break from you nor get offended. Nor would I consider your parting like that of a divorce. I would not feel betrayed nor abandoned. Instead, I would keep in touch with you, your new direction, church, and purpose in Christ. And I would always, always consider you family! What a wonderful way of Family our Father has given to us!!

The idea that joining a church is like a marriage to one another is not found in the Bible, nor is it healthy. It creates an idol of relationships that ties the feet to the ground and puts a burden on the heart. I know the proponents of this ideology mean well; and I fully agree that the Christian world could use a lot more church commitment and a lot less church shopping. But the idea is faulty for too many reasons. There is only one marriage, and that is the marriage of ALL of us -- of all brothers and sisters in the family of God to the one and only groom -- that is the marriage of the Lamb. Until that time we are brothers and sisters in Christ.

And here's the real quintessential freedom -- I consider you a brother and a sister in Christ whether you return the believe or not.

Love and Peace in Christ,

david.