“One basic purpose of this book is to help you examine your own practice of Christianity first. Are you practicing grace, allowing the Spirit of Christ to live through you in such a way that you help lift oppressive weights off of others and spiritually empower them to live? Or are you trying to force people to live under laws, rules or formulas for spirituality that cause them to feel weighed down, unable to measure up to your standards?[1]”
“As we’ve noted, certain characteristics of spiritually abusive systems make it immensely difficult for people caught up in them to leave. Because of the focus on religious performance, things look good to those on the outside. This system acts like a “spiritual magnet” pulling in people from the outside. Inside, however, the system acts like a black hole with spiritual gravity so strong it is very hard for people to get out. In fact, as you’ve already seen with the “can’t-talk” rule, even information about what is going on within the system can’t get out. If you talk to anyone, you are treated as if you are the problem. The following characteristics are what make these abusive spiritual systems so difficult to escape.
Paranoia
In the church or family that is spiritually abusive, there is a sense, spoken or unspoken, that “others will not understand what we’re all about, so let’s not let them know—that way they won’t be able to ridicule or persecute us.” There is an assumption that (1) what we say, know, or do is a result of our being more enlightened than others; (2) others will not understand unless they become one of us; and (3) others will respond negatively.
In a place where authority is grasped and legislated, not simply demonstrated, persecution sensitivity builds a case for keeping everything within the system. Why? Because of the evil, dangerous, or unspiritual people outside of the system who are trying to weaken or destroy “us.” This mentality builds a strong wall or bunker around the abusive system, isolates the abusers from scrutiny and accountability. “and makes it more difficult for people to leave—because they will then be outsiders too. While it is true that there is a world of evil outside of the system, there is also good out there. But people are misled into thinking that the only safety is in the system.
Ironically, Jesus and Paul both warned that one of the worst dangers to the flock was from wolves in the house (Matthew 10:16; Acts 20:29–30).
Excerpt From: David Johnson & Jeff VanVonderen. “Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse.” Bethany House Publishers.
When Religion Goes Bad by Dale Ryan and Jeff VanVonderenWhen Religion Goes Bad: 2 — Religious Addiction by Dale Ryan and Jeff VanVonderenWhen Religious Goes Bad: 3 — Religious Codependency by Dale Ryan and Jeff VanVonderenWhen You Are Ready to Try Again: Going Back to Church by Jeff VanVonderen
Spiritual Abuse: An Introduction
Presenter: Jeff VanVonderen
These presentations are part of a 10-part course entitled “Breaking the Silence on Spiritual Abuse”. In addition to Jeff VanVonderen, this series includes presentations by Dave Johnson and Lynn Heitritter. The entire class can be purchased here. For additional information about Jeff Vanvonderen visit his web site at www.innervention.com. For additional information and resources related to spiritual abuse we encourage you to visit www.spiritualabuse.com.
- Healthy and Abusive Spiritual Dynamics [55 min]
- The Abusive Religious System [59 min]
- How We Get Hooked [60 min]
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