10 Ways You’re Making Your Life Harder
Than It Has To Be [repost]
1. You ascribe intent.
Another driver cut you off.
Your friend never texted you back. Your co-worker went to lunch without you.
Everyone can find a reason to be offended on a steady basis. So what caused you
to be offended? You assigned bad intent to these otherwise innocuous actions.
You took it as a personal affront, a slap in the face.
Happy people do not do this. They don’t take things personally. They don’t ascribe intent to the unintentional actions of others.
2. You’re the star of your own movie.
It is little wonder that you believe the world
revolves around you. After all, you have been at the very center of every
experience you have ever had.
You are the star of your own movie. You wrote
the script. You know how you want it to unfold. You even know how you want it
to end.
Unfortunately you forgot to give your script to
anyone else. As a result, people are unaware of the role they are supposed to
play. Then, when they screw up their lines, or fail to fall in love with you or
don’t give you a promotion, your movie is ruined.
Lose your script. Let someone else star once in
awhile. Welcome new characters. Embrace plot twists.
3. You fast forward to apocalypse.
I have a bad habit of fast forwarding everything
to its worst possible outcome and being pleasantly surprised when the result is
marginally better than utter disaster or jail time. My mind unnecessarily
wrestles with events that aren’t even remotely likely. My sore throat is
cancer. My lost driver’s license fell into the hands of an al-Qaeda operative
who will wipe out my savings account.
Negativity only breeds more negativity. It is a
happiness riptide. It will carry you away from shore and if you don’t swim away
from it, will pull you under.
4. You have unrealistic and/or uncommunicated
expectations.
Among their many shortcomings of your family and
friends is the harsh reality that they cannot read your mind or anticipate your
whims.
Did your boyfriend forget the six and a half
month anniversary of your first movie date? Did your girlfriend refuse to call
at an appointed hour? Did your friend fail to fawn over your tribal tattoo?
Unmet expectations will be at the root of most
of your unhappiness in life. Minimize your expectations, maximize your joy.
5. You are waiting for a sign.
I have a friend who won’t make a decision
without receiving a “sign.” I suppose she is waiting on a trumpeted
announcement from God. She is constantly paralyzed by a divinity that is either
heavily obscured or frustratingly tardy. I’m not disavowing that fate or a
higher power plays a role in our lives. I’m just saying that it is better to
help shape fate than be governed by it.
6. You don’t take risks.
Two words: Live boldly. Every single time you
are offered a choice that involves greater risk, take it. You will lose on many
of them but when you add them up at the end of your life you’ll be glad you
did.
7. You constantly compare your life to others.
A few years ago I was invited to a nice party at
a big warehouse downtown. I was enjoying the smooth jazz, box wine and
crustless sandwiches. What more could a guy want? Later in the evening I
noticed a steady parade of well-heeled people slide past and disappear into
another room. I peeked and saw a large party with beautiful revelers dancing
and carrying on like Bacchus. Suddenly my gig wasn’t as fun as it had been all
because it didn’t appear to measure up to the party next door- a party I didn’t
even know existed until just moments before.
I do this frequently. Those people are having
more fun. Mary has a bigger boat. Craig gets all the lucky breaks. Ted has more
money. John is better looking.
Stop it.
Always remember what Teddy Roosevelt said:
“Comparison is the thief of joy.”
8. You let other people steal from you.
If you had a million dollars in cash under your
mattress, you would check it regularly and take precautions to insure it is
safe. The one possession you have that is more important than money is time.
But you don’t do anything to protect it. In fact you willingly give it to
thieves. Selfish people, egotistical people, negative people, people who won’t
shut up. Treat your time like Fort Knox. Guard it closely and give it only to
those who deserve and respect it.
9. You can’t/won’t let go.
These are getting a little harder aren’t they?
That’s because sometimes you have to work at happiness. Some hurdles are too
difficult to clear by simply adjusting your point of view or adopting a
positive mindset.
Do you need to forgive someone? Do you need to
turn your back on a failed relationship? Do you need to come to terms with the
death of a loved one?
Life is full of loss. But, in a sense, real
happiness would not be possible without it. It helps us appreciate and
savor the things that really matter. It helps us grow. It can help us help
others grow.
Closure is a word for people who have never
really suffered. There’s no such thing. Just try to “manage” your loss. Put it
in perspective. You will always have some regret and doubt about your loss. You
may always second guess yourself. If only you had said this, or tried that.
You’re not alone. Find someone who understands
and talk to that person. Reach out for support. If all else fails, try #10
below.
10. You don’t give back.
One way to deal with loss is to immerse yourself
in doing good. Volunteer. Get involved in life.
It doesn’t even have to be a big, structured
thing. Say a kind word. Encourage someone. Pay a visit to someone who is alone.
Get away from your self-absorption.
When it comes down to it, there are two types of
people in this world. There are givers and there are takers. Givers are happy.
Takers are miserable. What are you?
