Pain is Good if God is Glorified: Questions to ask ourselves about thefruit of the Spirit.

 Here's a great post on the fruit of the Spirit with really great questions to ask ourselves after each: http://www.familylife.com/articles/topics/faith/essentials/growing-in-your-faith/10-ideas-reflecting-the-fruit-of-the-spirit

Here are the questions he asks (but really, read the terrific paragraphs in the post before each question): 

For love: Question: Am I motivated to do for others as Christ has done for me, or am I giving in order to receive something in return? 

Joy: Question: Am I experiencing a joy of life on a regular basis, or is my happiness dependent on things going smoothly in my day?

Peace: Question: Do I find myself frazzled by the crashing waves of turmoil in my life, or am I experiencing “the peace that passes all comprehension” (Philippians 4:6-7)?

Patience: Question: Am I easily set off when things go wrong or people irritate me, or am I able to keep a godly perspective in the face of life’s irritations?

Kindness: Question: Is it my goal to serve others with kindness, or am I too focused on my own needs, desires or problems to let the goodness of God overflow to others?

Goodness: Question: Does my life reflect the holiness of God, and do I desire to see others experience God at a deep level in their own lives?

Faithfulness: Question: Are there areas of hypocrisy and indifference toward others in my life, or is my life characterized by faith in Christ and faithfulness to those around me?

Gentleness: Question: Do I come across to others as brash and headstrong, or am I allowing the grace of God to flow through me to others?

Self-control: Question: Are my fleshly desires controlling my life, or am I allowing the Spirit to direct me to the things that please God and serve others?

These are tough questions. It's humbling to realize there are some areas I might be doing ok with and some of these where I need a whole lot of work! The real measurement, of course, is not an evaluation of myself but what my closest friends and my wife think of me. It's humbling to ask them their opinion. But we must. We must also ask God to show us where we need an increase in one or more of these. And we must realize it's only His power that can bring that increase. 

The questions make the application hit home for me. I, like you, have heard countless teachings on the fruit of the Spirit. But it's not an intellectual thing, like a list to memorize. These are virtues we NEED worked into our character so that we can reflect the living Christ in our lives. 

The article closes with the following last question: 

"10. Walk by the Spirit. While not a fruit of the Spirit, the final item on the checkup produces all nine qualities listed above. When we follow the Spirit’s lead instead of being led by our self-focused desires, He produces the fruit.

But even when we don’t walk by the Spirit, He is the very one who convicts us that things are not in proper order in our lives.

God promises that if we are willing to admit that we have been walking our own way and ask for His forgiveness and cleansing, He will empower us through His Spirit to live above ourselves and live the abundant life for which He has created us.

Question: Am I actively depending on the Holy Spirit to guide me in God’s ways so I don’t get wrapped up in myself? If not, am I willing to confess to God that His ways are better than mine, and that I need the Spirit’s guidance to live above the fray?"

There certainly is a constant battle between self and the Spirit. Only when we recognize this battle is ever present, and that we need to continually confess our weaknesses and call on God to send his Spirit, can we see a growth in the fruits. 

Having fruit in our lives is important because we are known by them. There is much to be said of fruit in John 15. We are actually called by God to bear fruit. We can be sure that he will prune the branches - the areas of our life - where we are not producing good fruit. But what a great and glorious process! Not only does God care enough to sacrifice his son for our sins he sends his Spirit to renew and remake our hearts. What an honor to be part of the building the kingdom of God. But we must always remember that building begins with brokenness and humility. We must always go before God and ask for more fruit. Fruit does not come naturally, and our flesh will always war against the fruits of the Spirit. 

I'm sure I'll read these questions above several more times, as painful as the answers might be. Pain is good, however, if God is glorified in the end. 

Shunning Due to Fear

As part of a series of posts on spiritual abuse I add a few on the practice of shunning.

Shunning in a church is when a person or a family leaves a church and is told by a church leader or church leadership that people remaining in the church should avoid them. Shunning has been around as long as there have been churches. It's nothing new. It can be very discouraging to the persons being shunned. In my opinion it is even more destructive to the spirituality of those who are doing the shunning. There are times when we are actually commanded to shun. But as we will see these are in regards to attacks on the core faith or denial of Christ. More often, unfortunately, the practice of shunning is done in order to create fear. 

• Shunning is most often about striking fear in the hearts of those who are STILL in the church. 

We should not be mislead here. Shunning is most often NOT about the person or the family who has left. Church shunning is really about maintaining the status quo and the control over those who are still in the church. This is done by making them afraid to buck the system or question set doctrines or traditions. More specifically, the goal of shunning is to make people still in the church afraid of loosing their friends, family, and/or good reputation.

In most cases the church network is a tight network of friends and family and often the primary source of socializing and community. Since most legalistic churches have set doctrines, practices, and traditions that have been handed down from one generation to the next, if a person questions these they are often times threatening the central power of the church's hierarchy. If the person will not conform to the status quo and give up the fight they are forced out by rejection, or openly "disfellowshipped" (asked to leave).

Once the rebel is gone the real engine of religious shunning kicks in with the goal of making sure those who remain are not tempted to also question the church's doctrines, practices, or traditions. The people still in the church take note of what has happened to the "rebel" of the church. They see how they are shunned, how they lost their friends and how the slander has damaged their reputation. If shunning works the remaining members are afraid of the same thing happening to them. So they most often remain quiet. Even if they believe something different than the leaders of the church they will not risk being cut off from friends and family. Shunning has accomplished its goal of striking fear in the hearts of those who remain in the church. 

• Shunning is practiced in churches because the church members, and the church leader or leadership are insecure. 

If a church leader or church leadership is teaching the unconditional love of God and the ultimate sacrifice of Christ on the cross for the sins of mankind, which makes us all brothers and sisters in Christ, then there is nothing to be insecure about. But if a church leader is not holding up the atonement as central, of if he is teaching that his church is better then other churches because "we believe this" or "we don't believe that," or "we do this" or "we don't do that," then his church is built in sinking sand. This makes him and everyone else insecure.

(Important: Make no mistake, if a church leader is NOT teaching "God so loved the world he gave his only Son" then he is teaching salvation by works. There is no middle ground. Either God has made us right by the blood of Christ or WE are trying to make ourselves right with God by what we do, don't do, think, or believe.)

At the heart of all shunning is an insecure church leader or church leadership that has not built a foundation on the solid rock of Christ's sacrifice but on some form or works-righteousness.  In many cases this works-based "gospel" sounds quite good, noble, or right. It might be service, sacrifice, disciple making, or rigorous Bible study. It might be church reform such as house churching or community "life." But it is still works-based and not simply a teaching of "Christ and Him crucified" as Paul emphasized (1 Cor. 2:2).

The result of promoting a form of works-righteousness is insecure church members who focus on performance. And so the sinking sand is under foot and the church leader or leadership is constantly battling to keep the church together. This in turn makes the church leader incredibly insecure. And so this insecurity leads to the practice of shunning. 

• Shunning is often times a very subtle shifting of sin. 

Religious shunning is not just the dramatic, obvious stories.  More often church shunning is quite subtle and is often times the shifting of the church leader's sins onto another. This is known in secular circles as psychological projection. Sometimes a church leader himself can be heavily involved in gossip, slander, or character assassinations but not see his own faults. Or he may justify these practices and attitudes in his mind somehow. Then he might project his own sin onto others, believing this is going on with members of his church. He is shifting - or projecting - his own sins onto others.

In an effort to protect himself from guilt he teaches the church to shun those who threaten his power or who might expose his sin. If people within the church do not study the scriptures for themselves and stand up against the leader or leaders the abuse can go on indefinitely. There are those called to fight within a church. If the abuse goes on the persons most spiritually hurt in the process are not the ones being shunned but the church membership and the authority figures themselves.

It's time to fix our eyes on The unconditional love of Christ. Jesus Christ did not teach shunning but instead demonstrated inclusion. Dwelling on the mighty love of God, and excepting fully our new Identity In Christ, turns the shifting sand into solid concrete. If you know who you are, your new creation status, you have nothing to fear.

 People may come and go from your church but you have nothing to fear. People may disagree with you and not except your most cherished doctrines but you have nothing to fear. People may not even like you or your preaching or your personality but you have nothing to fear. You, my friend, were bought and paid for by the blood of Jesus Christ. This is what truly matters. 

Paul came to teach "nothing but Christ and him crucified." If you determine from this day forward to teach the same then it does not matter if your church grows or shrinks you have nothing to fear. There is no more need to shun. You have nothing to fear. 

You have nothing to fear because everyone who calls upon the name of the Lord is your brother or your sister in Christ. 

When Christian Leaders Disappoint You

This is a repost of a really good article. Very important steps below. Follow them all and, if you've been spiritually abused by a church leader, you WILL find healing. The only couple of things I would add to his list is, most importantly, meditate on who you really are in Christ. But also, if you tried #4 either while in the abusive church or after leaving with no luck go ahead and refer to #8 without hesitation. This is especially true if the abusive leader promotes shunning (which is another future post topic). That being said I do believe each of these steps are essential for healing. 

 ~~~~
When Christian Leaders Disappoint You

9:48AM EDT 9/11/2013 J. LEE GRADY

If you or someone you love has been hurt in church, take these steps to find total healing.

During the 1980s I was part of a vibrant Christian ministry that focused on reaching university students. The people involved were passionate for Jesus, excited about evangelism and eager to send missionaries to the world. There is no question that we were part of a revival movement. But flawed human beings were involved—and because most of us were under 30 we had no idea what we were doing!

We were idealistic, untrained and horribly naïve. As a result, many mistakes were made. Scripture was misused. Judgements were hurled. People got hurt. Marriages fell apart. Churches closed. And some people never got over the fact that Christians did mean things to each other.

Everywhere I go I meet Christians who were hurt in church or wounded by the words and actions of leaders. Some of these people are bitter. Others have given up on church. Some have even left the faith. And a few suffer from the spiritual equivalent of post-traumatic stress disorder. If you or someone you love has been hurt in church, I recommend taking these steps:

1. Forgive from your heart. The first step is always forgiveness. Don’t fall into the trap of justifying your right to be offended. You may be tempted to scream: “But you don’t understand what they did to me!” God understands—but He requires you to let go of the hurt. The Word is clear: “Just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you” (Col. 3:13b).

2. Learn from the other person’s mistakes. I have mentors who taught me much about God, leadership and ministry. But I also have learned a lot from watching the mistakes leaders make. If someone in ministry hurts you, make a mental note: “That is NOT the way I want to treat people.” You can actually turn your disappointments into blessings if you learn from them.

3. Remain humble. Pride thrives in bitter soil. If you allow anger or resentment to lodge in your heart, it won’t be long before your character is completely poisoned. Your desire to prove your point will inflate your ego—and God will resist you. Paul told the Galatians: “For if anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself” (Gal. 6:3). Don’t let someone else’s mistake turn you into a monster.

4. Try to make peace. Never let an offense destroy a relationship. It’s childish just to walk away. Does the leader know how he or she hurt you? Make an appointment and share your heart. Give the other person a chance to apologize or give an explanation. Our tendency is always to magnify the other person’s mistakes while we excuse our own behavior. It’s never wise to break a relationship without making every effort at reconciliation. If you feel you can’t talk to the person because of intimidation, write a letter and ask for a meeting.

5. Stay in fellowship. The devil is a wolf—he isolates his victims before he attacks. Many people who are hurt by leaders leave church altogether. It’s okay to take a short break to recover. But if you go two months, then six months, then a year without being in close fellowship with other Christians, you are making yourself vulnerable. You may be tempted to believe that there are no healthy pastors or churches in your area—but I dare you to disprove that.

6. Get godly counsel. It is never wise to walk through a relationship breakup without getting an outside perspective. You may think you are the victim—until a friend points out your own blind spots. Share what happened with trusted, spiritually mature people and ask them how you should respond. If what a leader did to you was criminal (like sexual abuse or financial exploitation) then you may have to consult a lawyer. But in most cases you will simply need to forgive and renounce any desire for revenge. Practice Romans 12:17: “Never pay back evil for evil to anyone.”

7. Break free from manipulation. Sometimes immature leaders make harsh judgements against church members. Other leaders use their authority to punish what they perceive as disloyalty—and the person feels cursed. Innappropriate words like this have the power to maim people spiritually. If this has happened to you, ask a pastor or mature friend to pray for you and break the power of these words so you can be healed.

8. Move on. I’ve met Christians who still nurse the same grudges after 30 years. They keep their pain alive by reliving the offense over and over. As a result they are stuck in a time warp, and no one wants to be around them because their sarcasm is so toxic. You must let go. Say what Jesus said on the cross: “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34).

Leave your offenses at the cross. Don’t let disappointment in others lock you in an unhappy past when God has a joyful future for you.

J. Lee Grady is the former editor of Charisma and the director of The Mordecai Project (themordecaiproject.org). You can follow him on Twitter at leegrady. He is the author of 10 Lies the Church Tells Women and other books.

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Top Warning Signs of a Spiritual Abuser or Religious Legalist

I cannot remember where I came across the following list. I pasted it as a draft a few months ago. Perhaps I'll find it again later. But I do wish to post it here because it's in keeping with the new label of spiritual abuse. The following list is of the high indicators of a spiritual abuser or religious legalist. Much can be said about each one. In fact I will make it a goal to write about each as a future blog post. Here they are: 

1- Wants special seat in church services (Matthew 23:1ff)
2- Desires special titles
3- Feels entitled to a salary because of all the "hard" work
4- Proudly displays or speaks about lists of spiritual accomplishments
5- Over confident in scripture interpretation
6- Lacks humility before "brothers" in Christ
7- Wears fine clothes as a badge/symbol
8- Appoints self to a five-fold position
9- Tends to alienate and divide more than unite believers
10- Does not have identity fully planted in work of Christ on the cross for salvation

The most important thing to recognize right now is... 

If you see any of these exercise extreme caution. Diligently pray for wisdom and proceed with whatever the Lord puts in your heart to do. Also, pray for the leader, specifically that he or she will gain the knowledge of #10 -- who they are in Christ. #10 changes everything. 

And here is my own opposite list -- Characteristics of a true spiritual leader: 

1. Would not hesitate, in fact, wants to give up the best seat for others
2. Down-plays or even refuses special titles and seeks a path to humility
3. Does not act entitled to payment for ministry
4. Rarely if ever speaks of own accomplishments, but works hard at highlighting the accomplishments of everyone else
5. Approaches Biblical interpretation with extreme humility, recognizing our own fallen state and inevitability of pre-supposition due to experiences and traditions
6. Considers the brothers in Christ to be the life-line to accountability and unity
7. Does not care about outward appearance as a sign of success, influence, or importance
8. Is "appointed" to a five-fold ministry by the acknowledgments of those he leads and does not ever dwell or harp on the appointment
9. Has a history of uniting believers and creating pathways to loving one another
10. Is unshaken in his or her faith due to identity being firmly planted in the work of Christ 

I look forward to supporting each of these with scriptures in future posts. I look forward even more to how encouraging and convicting this study is becoming. Truth be told, anyone with the slightest leadership ability/calling is tempted to fall into unhealthy patterns of thinking and acting. I know I am tempted. So looking at these closely is not only healthy it is essential if we are to promote the absolute love of Christ and avoid the pitfalls of spiritual abuse or religious legalism. 

~~~~~

"Spiritual abuse occurs when someone in a position of spiritual authority, the purpose of which is to 'come underneath' and serve, build, equip and make God's people MORE free, misuses that authority placing themselves over God's people to control, coerce or manipulate them for seemingly Godly purposes which are really their own."     --Jeff VanVonderen

Have you ever been Spiritually Abused? Spiritual Abuse Defined:

Re-reading Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse

Now I remember why I liked this book so well back in 98.  Co-Written by Jeff Van Vonderen,  spiritual abuse is a real thing. Countless Christians are not even aware they are victims of spiritual abuse. They just know something is wrong. Deep inside they believe things should be different but they are paralyzed by the abusive system. Others seek to change from within only to become spiritual exhausted. This book is here to help. I think it's a must read for ALL -- church leader, member, Christian, and non-Christian alike. In the weeks ahead I'll flesh it out some but for now here's a taste: 

“One basic purpose of this book is to help you examine your own practice of Christianity first. Are you practicing grace, allowing the Spirit of Christ to live through you in such a way that you help lift oppressive weights off of others and spiritually empower them to live? Or are you trying to force people to live under laws, rules or formulas for spirituality that cause them to feel weighed down, unable to measure up to your standards?[1]”

“As we’ve noted, certain characteristics of spiritually abusive systems make it immensely difficult for people caught up in them to leave. Because of the focus on religious performance, things look good to those on the outside. This system acts like a “spiritual magnet” pulling in people from the outside. Inside, however, the system acts like a black hole with spiritual gravity so strong it is very hard for people to get out. In fact, as you’ve already seen with the “can’t-talk” rule, even information about what is going on within the system can’t get out. If you talk to anyone, you are treated as if you are the problem. The following characteristics are what make these abusive spiritual systems so difficult to escape.

Paranoia 

In the church or family that is spiritually abusive, there is a sense, spoken or unspoken, that “others will not understand what we’re all about, so let’s not let them know—that way they won’t be able to ridicule or persecute us.” There is an assumption that (1) what we say, know, or do is a result of our being more enlightened than others; (2) others will not understand unless they become one of us; and (3) others will respond negatively.
In a place where authority is grasped and legislated, not simply demonstrated, persecution sensitivity builds a case for keeping everything within the system. Why? Because of the evil, dangerous, or unspiritual people outside of the system who are trying to weaken or destroy “us.” This mentality builds a strong wall or bunker around the abusive system, isolates the abusers from scrutiny and accountability. “and makes it more difficult for people to leave—because they will then be outsiders too. While it is true that there is a world of evil outside of the system, there is also good out there. But people are misled into thinking that the only safety is in the system. 

Ironically, Jesus and Paul both warned that one of the worst dangers to the flock was from wolves in the house (Matthew 10:16; Acts 20:29–30).

Excerpt From: David Johnson & Jeff VanVonderen. “Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse.” Bethany House Publishers. 

Spiritual Abuse: An Interview with Jeff VanVonderen

When Religion Goes Bad by Dale Ryan and Jeff VanVonderen

When Religion Goes Bad: 2 — Religious Addiction by Dale Ryan and Jeff VanVonderen

When Religious Goes Bad: 3 — Religious Codependency by Dale Ryan and Jeff VanVonderen

When You Are Ready to Try Again: Going Back to Church by Jeff VanVonderen

Spiritual Abuse: An Introduction

Presenter: Jeff VanVonderen

These presentations are part of a 10-part course entitled “Breaking the Silence on Spiritual Abuse”. In addition to Jeff VanVonderen, this series includes presentations by Dave Johnson and Lynn Heitritter. The entire class can be purchased here. For additional information about Jeff Vanvonderen visit his web site at www.innervention.com. For additional information and resources related to spiritual abuse we encourage you to visit www.spiritualabuse.com.

• Healthy and Abusive Spiritual Dynamics [55 min]
• The Abusive Religious System [59 min]
• How We Get Hooked [60 min]

LINKS

If spiritual struggles are part of your journey, we encourage you to visit Spiritual Abuse Recovery Resources and the other sites affiliated with Christian Recovery International

Have you ever been Spiritually Abused? Spiritual Abuse Defined:

Authoritarian >  Image Conscious > 

Suppresses Criticism > Perfectionistic > Unbalanced. 

Read about these 

five characteristics of spiritual abuse 

below. 

"Spiritual abuse occurs when someone in a position of spiritual authority, the purpose of which is to 'come underneath' and serve, build, equip and make God's people MORE free, misuses that authority placing themselves over God's people to control, coerce or manipulate them for seemingly Godly purposes which are really their own."     --Jeff VanVonderen

Spiritual abuse has been around since the very beginning of Christianity. Unfortunately thousands of Christians still experience spiritual abuse every year. With this post I begin a new Label and seek to define spiritual abuse, as well as share a post with resources. In future posts I will contrast God's love, grace, and acceptance to the abuse of religious systems, churches, leaders, and groups. I will NOT be naming names or listing denominations, and/or churches. This topic is about the principles of spiritual abuse and how they run counter to the Biblical Gospel, and specifically against our new identity in Christ. Knowing our true identity in Christ makes us free, secure, and loving, keeping leaders from abusing and keeping followers from falling prey to their abuse. 

Below are FIVE CHARACTERISTICS OF CHURCHES AND/OR CHURCH LEADERS WHO ABUSE. But first...

What is spiritual abuse? I like this definition:

Spiritual abuse is the misuse of a position of power, leadership, or influence to further the selfish interests of someone other than the individual who needs help. Sometimes abuse arises out of a doctrinal position. At other times it occurs because of legitimate personal needs of a leader that are being met by illegitimate means. Spiritually abusive religious systems are sometimes described as legalistic, mind controlling, religiously addictive, and authoritarian.

Unlike other forms of abuse - physical, emotion, etc. - spiritual abuse can damage or even destroy a person's faith in God.  Spiritual abuse can occur under virtually any organizational structure, but “top down” hierarchical structures are especially well suited to systemic spiritual abuse. The term “spiritual abuse” was perhaps coined first by Jeff VanVonderen in the following book:

I think every leader should be willing to read this book. If a church leader is not willing to read this book that should be a clue to their own desire for uneven power. For those church leaders who are willing to read this book it will help them avoid the subtle temptation to do the following:

COMMON CHARACTERISTICS of Spiritual Abuse from here.

#1) Authoritarian

The most distinctive characteristic of a spiritually abusive religious system, or leader, is the over-emphasis on authority. Because a group claims to have been established by God Himself the leaders in this system claim the right to command their followers.

This authority supposedly comes from the position they occupy. In Matthew 23:1-2 Jesus said the Scribes and Pharisees "sit in Moses' seat," a position of spiritual authority. Many names are used but in the abusive system this is a position of power, not moral authority. The assumption is that God operates among His people through a hierarchy, or "chain of command." In this abusive system unconditional submission is often called a "covering," or "umbrella of protection" which will provide some spiritual blessing to those who fully submit. Followers may be told that God will bless their submission even if the leadship is wrong. It is not their place to judge or correct the leadership – God will see to that.

#2) Image Conscious

The abusive religious system is scrupulous to maintain an image of righteousness. The organization's history is often misrepresented in the effort to demonstrate the organization's special relationship to God. The mistaken judgements and character flaws of its leaders are denied or covered up in order to validate their authority. Impossibly high legalistic standards of thought and behavior may be imposed on the members. Their failure to live up to these standards is a constant reminder of the follower's inferiority to his leaders, and the necessity of submission to them. Abusive religion is, at heart, legalism.

Abusive religion is also paranoid. Because the truth about the abusive religious system would be quickly rejected if recognized, outsiders are shown only a positive image of the group. This is rationalized by assuming that the religion would not be understood by "worldly" people; therefore they have no right to know. This attitude leads to members being secretive about some doctrines and the inner policies and proceedures of the group. Leaders, especially, will keep secrets from their members. This secrecy is rooted in a basic distrust of others because the belief system is false and can not stand scrutiny.

#3) Suppresses Criticism

Because the religious system is not based on the truth it cannot allow questions, dissent, or open discussions about issues. The person who dissents becomes the problem rather than the issue he raised. The truth about any issue is settled and handed down from the top of the hierarchy. Questioning anything is considered a challenge to authority. Thinking for oneself is suppressed by pointing out that it leads to doubts. This is portrayed as unbelief in God and His anointed leaders. Thus the follower controls his own thoughts by fear of doubting God.

#4) Perfectionistic

A most natural assumption is that a person does not get something for nothing. Apart from the express declarations of salvation by grace through faith God has given in the scriptures, it would be natural to think that one must earn salvation, or at least work to keep it. Thus, in abusive religions all blessings come through performance of spiritual requirements. Failure is strongly condemned so there is only one alternative, perfection. So long as he thinks he is succeeding in his observation of the rules, the follower typically exhibits pride, elitism, and arrogance. However, when reality and failure eventually set in, the result is the person experiences spiritual burnout, or even shipwreck of his faith. Those who fail in their efforts are labeled as apostates, weak, or some other such term so that they can be discarded by the system.

#5) Unbalanced

Abusive religions must distinguish themselves from all other religions so they can claim to be distinctive and therefore special to God. This is usually done by majoring on minor issues such as prophecy, carrying biblical law to extremes, or using strange methods of biblical interpretation. The imbalanced spiritual hobby-horse thus produced represents unique knowledge or practices which seem to validate the group's claim to special status with God.

RECOVERY FROM SPIRITUAL ABUSEHealthy recovery from spiritual abuse must begin with understanding what has happened and how. A victim usually thinks he is the only one experiencing these
problems. Just being able to give a name to the problem is important. There are many books on the subject (see recommended reading below) that will be helpful in learning about spiritual abuse and recovery. 

Afterward the abused person must learn the true nature of God’s grace, love and forgiveness. This is the foundation for being able to eventually forgive the abuser. Being able to share the experience and what has been learned so as to minister to someone else’s need is also very important. This could be done in a support group made up of people with a similar experience who can share the healing love of Christ. Finally, a lot of time must be allowed for full recovery.

RECOMMENDED READING

 I've read this book a couple of times and will provide a full book review in a future post.

The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse by David Johnson and Jeff VanVonderen, Bethany House Publishers. Dynamite! Excellent help for recognizing and escaping spiritual manipulation and false spiritual authority within the Church. 235 pages.

 Here are a few more on my to-read list.

Faith That Hurts, Faith That Heals, by Stephen Arterburn, and Jack Felton, Thomas Nelson Publishers. Very thorough treatment, analyzes beliefs that make
harmful faith, religious addiction, etc. as well as treatment and recovery, and the characteristics of healthy faith. 320 pages.

Breaking Free, by David R. Miller, Baker Book House. Speaking first-hand from the experiences of his own family, Miller penetrates virtually every nuance of legalism and its insidious effects on individual and family life. 176 pages.

Wisdom Hunter, be Randall Arthur, Multnomah Press. Taut, fast-paced thriller presents a powerful message about the damage caused by Christian legalism. 323
pages.

Churches That Abuse, by Ronald Enroth, Zondervan. Providing real-life examples throughout, Enroth probes every corner of the abusive church. He also provides help
to find the way out, and back to God’s healing. 253 pages, endnotes.

NEXT UP: BIBLICAL RESPONSES TO SPIRITUAL ABUSE

More from Accidental Pharisee

Quote: "In my mind, the quest for spiritual maturity was like an onion and a video game. With regard to sin, it was like an onion. There was always another layer to peel off. If people weren’t feeling seriously guilty about something, they obviously weren’t listening to the Holy Spirit. I rated Christian books and sermons by how bad they made me feel. The worse I felt, the better the sermon. The more difficult and challenging they were, the more faithful the message. With regard to growth, it was like a video game. There was always a higher level to attain. No matter how much people grew, no matter what sacrifices they made to get to that point, there was always a next level they needed to reach to fully please the Lord. Worse, I chided people who grew weary. I pushed them to work harder, pray longer, and study more.

Taking a break or temporarily stepping to the sidelines was simply not an option. Satan didn’t rest; why should we? My discipleship motto was simple: no pain, no gain. If you wanted rest, a lighter load, or an easier path, you’d come to the wrong place. I didn’t think that’s what Jesus offered. He offered a cross to bear, death to self, and eternal rewards to the faithful few who were willing to pay the price and stay the course. Or so I thought. In reality, as we saw earlier, if I’d read my Bible a little more carefully, I would have found that Jesus did offer something I had never considered worthy of a Christ follower. He offered rest, a light burden, and an easy yoke to those who were weary and heavily burdened. Imagine that! Maybe it’s a misprint. Maybe he didn’t really mean it. But then again, maybe that’s why he called his message good news. Maybe those of us who constantly demand more are the ones who’ve missed it.

Matt. 11:28–30: Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

For over two thousand years, those who fashion themselves as spiritual leaders haven’t been able to leave well enough alone. They keep trying to raise the bar to entry higher than Jesus placed it. They pile on heavier and heavier burdens and call it discipleship. They shut the door to the struggling and weak and call it purifying the church. Their intentions are noble. But their fruit is rotten. They unwittingly play the same role as the Pharisees of old, trying to keep out the very people Jesus came to reach. So why do we do that? What tempts someone to want to thin the herd that Jesus came to expand?"
Read the answers in the book!!


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Prove by the way that you live...

4 John’s clothes were woven from coarse camel hair, and he wore a leather belt around his waist. For food he ate locusts and wild honey. 5 People from Jerusalem and from all of Judea and all over the Jordan Valley went out to see and hear John. 6 And when they confessed their sins, he baptized them in the Jordan River.
7 But when he saw many Pharisees and Sadducees coming to watch him baptize,* he denounced them. “You brood of snakes!” he exclaimed. “Who warned you to flee God’s coming wrath? 8 Prove by the way you live that you have repented of your sins and turned to God. 9 Don’t just say to each other, ‘We’re safe, for we are descendants of Abraham.’ That means nothing, for I tell you, God can create children of Abraham from these very stones. 10 Even now the ax of God’s judgment is poised, ready to sever the roots of the trees. Yes, every tree that does not produce good fruit will be chopped down and thrown into the fire."
"Prove by the way we live..."
Prove by who we honor, Christ or men, or a man.
Prove by what we say about people behind their backs.
Prove by how we treat people who are different than ourselves.
Prove by how we respond to those who disagree with us.
Prove by making the choice to love no matter what the consequence may be to our future.
Jesus proved that sort of love.
"Prove by the way we live..."
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For a fantastic book check out Accidental Pharisee by Larry Osbourne. I'm on chapter four now and deeply convicted.
Conviction is a very good thing when it leads to repentance and grace. God help me.
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Accidental Pharisees: Avoiding Pride, Exclusivity, and the Other Dangers of Overzealous Faith
Larry Osborne
$14.99 $10.19
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We Have All the Answers [repost]

We Have All the Answers from here http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/churchrelevance/~3/gm_UWwA7RCA/

Mankind tends to be compelled to have it all figured out. We oversimplify complex things into 12-step formulas. We make stereotypes. And no matter how big and unanswerable a question is, we seem unable to resist creating a theory to make sense of it.
In fact, I just did it by generalizing the whole human race.
Sometimes the only way to remotely grasp reality is to simplify it through the lens of our unique worldview. Christians are no different. We do this with theology. And we don’t just try to understand the fundamentals such as the gospel, grace, and atonement. We also want to know and explain the weird, obscure, and unimportant like the Nephilim, the rapture, how old the earth is, and what Jesus really looked like.
But we cannot forget 1 Corinthians 1:25, which reminds us that God is always exponentially wiser than the greatest of thoughts from our best theologians.
You don’t have it figured out. No one does. We have glimpses of truth on which we build our faith. I don’t believe our minds have the capacity to understand the fullness of the ideas formed by the language of God. They are otherworldly, marvelous, and awesome in the most literal sense.
The best we can do is stay content resting in the shadow of God and latch on to every bit of divine revelation gifted to us by the Holy Spirit through prayer and Scripture. And if we must know more, then listen to other true believers who are from different cultures, denominations, theologies, and models of ministry because their perspective may reveal to us a new vantage point of who God is.