Erosion of Freedom

Child Welfare Legislation Outlaws Spanking

Senior Counsel Dee Black answers questions and assists members with legal issues in Delaware. He and his wife homeschooled their children. Read more >>

When Governor Jack Markell signed into law Senate Bill 234 on September 12, 2012, Delaware became the first state in the nation to effectively outlaw corporal discipline of children by their parents.
Sponsored by Senate Majority Leader Patricia M. Blevins (District 7), the legislation creates a definition of the term “physical injury” in the child abuse and neglect laws to include “pain.” Currently the law permits a parent to use force to punish a child for misconduct, but it prohibits any act that is likely to cause or does cause physical injury. By defining “physical injury” to include the infliction of pain on a child, spanking has become a crime in Delaware punishable by imprisonment.
 
Under the new law, a parent causing “physical injury” (e.g., pain) to a child under age 18 would be guilty of a class A misdemeanor and subject to one year in prison. A parent causing pain to a child who was 3 years of age or younger would be guilty of a class G felony and subject to two years in prison.

Home School Legal Defense Association opposed this bill as a violation of the right of parents to direct the upbringing of their children, including the long-recognized right to administer reasonable corporal discipline. HSLDA worked with the Delaware Home Education Association and the Delaware Family Policy Council in an effort to bring about a defeat of this legislation.

Other Resources

View the text of this bill.

The Importance of Encouragement

 

Encouragement is one of the most important things in the world! Truly. Think about it. If you never received any encouragement from friends, any "you can do it", or "you're so good at that". how do you think you would feel? Our best friends are those who see our weaknesses, see our abilities, and encourage us like crazy! Encouragement is to our souls what gasoline is to a fire!

The same is true in parenting. Our five year old barely has hands big enough or strong enough to hold an ice cream cone, much less play the violin. But when she asked (with those excited "I can do it" eyes) we said yes, of course. And as we listened to the screeching we said, "You are SO good at that. You're going to be an incredible player someday!" (Now we're looking for an instructor if you know of any in Jackson.) But every little word we spoke in the important time of her exploring this new thing was of vital importance. One wrong word and it could damage her heart and her confidence for a very long time, if not for the rest of her life.

The same is true in the Body of Christ, esp. in regards to the gifts of the Spirit which God gives to "each and every one." We have to see with God's eyes the potential in each other. We must work with God's Spirit to draw out a gift, even if the person barely has hands big enough or strong enough to use the new gift. Every little word we speak to one another in the time of discovering one's gift is of vital importance. One wrong word, and I would even add one word of encouragement left unspoken, can damage a person's confidence in the Lord for a very long time, if not forever. One of the primary jobs of any and every church leadership is to draw out the giftedness in the Body through encouragement! Those with the God-given Spiritual ability to lead have to set the pace for encouragement.

But all of us, every one of us, need to encourage one another, or build each other up as Paul put it, on a regular basis. Words are powerful! And encouragement is one of the most important things in the world! Encouragement is to our souls what gasoline is to a fire! Flame on!

Kid Collages: And a personal note

I was just thinking...

If my kids ever stopped a life-style

of smiling,

and jumping,

and laughing,

and loving...

I would not look at them and say "what is their problem?"

 

I would look at myself and ask, "What am I doing wrong?" 

That's parenting 101.

\

God gave us our children ~ not a mistake ~ but an opportunity to bring some more life into an otherwise dark and dreary world

... and into our own lives. 

~~~~

Personal note: I don't mean to oversimplify parenting or anything of that nature. I know there are a thousand different scenarios where difficulties arise for parents and they have done all they can. I've talked to parents of adopted children, for example, who gave them nothing but love and yet they became rebellious. I myself even became rebellious after my parents did nothing but love me and do the best to show me Christ. The bottom line is children grow up one day and exercise their free will. I understand that. 

However, I still believe in the statement above, and I'm mainly just having a personal realization -- which is how we so often fail to look at ourselves, as parents, and consider that we might be the problem. I know it's tough to do so. My kids are young but already I see these things springing to the surface in them, things which I KNOW come from ME! That's rough. Most of the time I don't even want to admit it. Instead I ask myself, 


'Why are they so hyper?'                             'Why the defensiveness?'
                                     'Why so forget-full?'


I ask these questions as if I don't know the answer -- 
they have inherited those things from me! Ouch. 
We can pray our kids grow up and don't have our weaknesses. But either way...
 
It's time to go find the child and do one very important thing -- REPENT! 


It's doesn't have to be anything fancy. My own parents apologized on more than one occasion for "passing down" things to me. I can't tell you how incredibly good that felt. Not that I was holding anything against them, but just that they were so real and so honest. It's given me confidence to apologize to my own children, even with them being still young. And I can see it in their eyes when they connect the dots that daddy is not perfect. It's very powerful.

Happy Birthday, Mom. Thank you, thank you.

My Mom's Bible. She was so very full of God in the last several years of her life. She died in 1997, leaving a legacy of love and commitment to families and children. I have had her Bible on my desk for several months now, enjoying the highlight passages and imaging her very encouraging words about the Lord's love and of God's Spirit with us. Thank you, Mom. I love you and miss you.

Good Parenting = Time

I won't claim to know much about parenting. Nathan is only 9 1/2. The other five are staggered down to only 18 months, here in family Parkerson, and many days April and I feel like we're too disorganized and haphazard with our parenting. Six! But one thing is for sure: Good parenting = time. We always feel it ("it", being that place of confidence with ourselves and happiness in our family) when we're spending time with our kids.

I like this passage, even though it's difficult.


 ⁴ Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. ⁵ Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. ⁶ These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. ⁷ Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.

We've all read it a hundred times. It's from Deut 6. And it's a gem of a scripture. It's tough because there is this picture here, a picture of lots and lots of time. Sure there is the Greatest Commandment in all the Bible. But what's next? How are these commandments to "be on your hearts"? Well, time. "When you sit at home;" "walk along", "lie down" and "get up." That is... all the time.

So does this mean we are to quote this awesome truth about loving God all day long, or make the kids do so? I don't think so. It can't be. What good would that do? My kids know this verse because we've memorized it. But that only took a few days. What do we do the rest of the... time? Well, for one thing, we play legos. Like we did tonight.

The last few days have been pretty stressful, as far as the "go, go, go" goes. There were the trips to the storm shelters in the middle of the night. A trip to Memphis for a bday party. And trips to my office to get caught up on work (cause the really busy season is now upon us). As a result of this hyper-speedy life lately, our kids have been grumpy, and arguing with one another, and ... grumpy. I really needed to do something other than, "STOP FIGHTING WITH EACH OTHER AND GET ALONG!!  ...   NOW!!!" Yeah,.... that works, especially as we're loading up to rush off to the next... thing. No, what my boys needed was, quite simply put, ME. They needed me. So tonight, instead of heading out the door to another meeting* I felt deep in my spirit that I needed to play legos. It couldn't and shouldn't wait any longer. So we did.

I always love the look on their faces when I plop down on their floor and pour out the pieces. Eyes wide, followed by, "Daddy, are you going to play with us!?!??"  "Yes indeed... let's go." One hour later and we've constructed a futuristic, hovering launch pad with a robot car and recon bird inside; and a carrier craft and several check-point stations on top. As the small engineering marvel begins to take it's final shape, the boys seem to instinctively now when it's "time to play." Suddenly, as if we skipped the credits George Lucas style, the imaginations light up and the adventure begins. I enjoy the building time a great deal, because we often, spontaneously, get to talk about life in their small size world, and what it means to love God with all our heart as well as love each other. But when the curtain raises on the unfolding story at hand I'm always amazed at their teamwork. And I'm even more amazed by their state of heart. For they have "spent time with Daddy." And that's the real wonder of it all.

I think the same thing is true of our relationship with God in regards to time. Again, I don't have much experience here. But I know that whenever I've felt something off in my spirit --you know, felt a little grumpy and stressed, it was because I needed time with my own daddy, my Abba Father. Without fail, a little time with him rights the world around me and brings Christ into focus. I'm amazed at the new state of heart. God hard-wired this need for time right into every single relationship. And we have to see that.

Our kids need us to spend time with them. They cannot tell us, "I think I need time with you." We have to sense it, feel something is off, and go to them. In a perfect world we'd spend enough time with our children that they would not often feel the lack or distance. But, well, here we are, in a non-perfect world. This is the world where we fight to make time for our children, our spouses, and our friends. If we don't,... well, we'll loose them.

I've read a pretty good sized stack of parenting books over time and "time" is definitely a theme in most. All the specialists note it's importance. Many say you need "quantity" in order to get "quality." That's probably true. You can't just plop down and expect deep spiritual conversation every time. And if you try to force it they will likely feel you coming...with an agenda. Up go their guards against fake and force-fed parenting. Instead, I think we have to come down and play on their level. No matter the age or the interest or the hobby, we can find time with them when we do the things they like. And as we humble ourselves to the floor in search of that one, white, flat, long piece, they'll look up at us and see their daddy, and feel safe, and comfortable, and loved. That's the place where we are able to "talk about these things" as we "lie down" and "get up." And "play legos."

Good parenting = time. It equals time when ever and where ever and however you can secure it. Secure, and protect it, and keep it top priority. Time goes so quickly. Time is fleeting. Time is of the essence. Right!! And if we ask of our children, "Are you in my heart?" but we have not spent the time with them, to make a place for them, then it makes no difference. Time is the main ingredient. Good parenting = time. And we have to fight for that time in every decision and in every time of our lives. Even more, just as my boys knew instinctively when it was time to begin, we should follow our own instincts as the Spirit of God prompts us to spend time with our families.

There is more to write about this topic, but I'm out of time. Later. Now I need to publish this and go finish tucking the boys in.... and try not to step on that one loose lego piece with my bare feet!

~~~
* I like the verse from Ecclesiastes 3:1, "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity."  This post grew out of the realization that it is always best to listen to the Spirit when leading one's family. Tonight the Spirit showed me the "activity" needed was time with the kids, to settle some very scared and upset children after 24 hours of severe weather.

April and the boys...

April and five boys. What can I say about this?                    Hmmmm .......... Wonderful.

"No, daddy, can we please talk in private?"

Yesterday I was unloading some things out of the truck and into our shed, a space heater I think, and some other store-ables. Just as I was forcing some room on a shelf, and concentrating on the next thing on my to-do list, Nathan and Zack come up with reports of a skirmish between them. Nathan had bumped a water bottle which was propped up at Zack's mouth and spilled the contents down the front of Zack's shirt. Nathan was apologizing. Zack was gasping. And I just mumbled something about it just being water and went on about my chores. About 15 min. later, now sitting in the living-room taking a short break, Nathan came up to me and asked to talk to me. Nathan had a look of confidence in his eyes so I agreed and said, "Sure, have a seat." To which he replied, "No, daddy, can we please talk in private?" "Well, sure."

We shuffled back to the bedroom and sat on his bunk. "So, what's on your mind?" I asked. Remember, Nathan just turned eight in February. "Well, daddy, I feel like sometimes, when I'm trying to talk to you about something which I think is important, you don't fully listen to me." He dropped his eyes. I sat stunned. I paused and thought a moment. Then I opened up wide to see what would follow. "Please, Nathan, tell me where and how. I certainly want to listen to you."  Nathan, raised his head back up and made eye contact with me. "Well, like just now. I was trying to tell you that I was saying sorry to Zack and he was not accepting it. Instead, he was just mad and running off. But it was an accident. And I wanted you to help with that."  "Oh, I see," I softly replied. "Well, I guess I do need to try and stop what I'm doing and listen better, when you guys are coming to me. I know I can get really focused on what I'm doing."  "Yes, you sure can," he said, as he nodded. "And I guess I do that quite often because I tend to stay so busy." "You sure do, daddy." We sat quiet for a moment. Then I added, "Ok, I want to change and do much better from now on. So let me know the instant I do that to you or anyone else so that I can work on changing it. Ok?" He smiled, "Ok, daddy, you got it." We both smiled. 

We hugged each other and I thanked him for being patient with me but also for taking care of me. I assured him that God was using him to help me and that I was very proud of him for becoming such a wonderful young man. As we were leaving the room I grabbed his shoulder and said, "Nathan, thanks again for taking a minute to talk to me."  To which he replied, "You're welcome. That was pretty much my first time." I just laughed as I picked him up and hugged him tightly. 

I hope it is his first time. He's amazing. But his learning to approach me with his feelings and thoughts  is not just an accident. He is learning that from this life we live, from the day to day workings within the Body of Christ, where sharing homes, and sharing lives requires us to really learn to talk to each other. Our children are the future, they say. Well, that future is only as good as our present. What we put into our kids today will determine what comes out of them tomorrow. Today I praise God for the great things being put into my children.

Age Segregation in School and Church

Two things which have been of great interest to me for as long as I can remember are "School" and "Church." In my early twenties I began to realize that there is an institutional version of each of these, promoted in the common society and upheld by most of the powerful organizations of our time. To try and escape the clutches of these institutions, into an organic version of life, is amazingly difficult for most. It's take great strength, courage, and the hand of God! There are so many areas which hold one tightly to the institution but not many more pronounced than age segregation.

I began noticing early on that it just didn't seem natural for my church to divide up family members into corresponding age groups. There were youth groups, children's ministries, young marrieds, married with young children, older adults, and seniors. We all went to separate Bible classes on Sunday, separate youth retreats in the Spring, and separate rooms in Summer Camp. As a youth I was virtually cut off from the world outside of my own age group, and, except for the devotionals of my own youth minister and his adult volunteers, had very little interaction of any spiritual depth with anyone older than myself. It wasn't until I read a book in college about parent-directed Youth Ministry, where the youth minister quit his job and left the parents in charge, that I really begin to look for an alternative to this institutional model.

I also noticed it was true in schools, which may have in fact informed the way in which 20th Century churches began to behave. Karl M. Bunday writes here http://learninfreedom.org/age_grading_bad.html : 

• Some people think it is "natural," or even beneficial, for children to be confined with other children of approximately the same age for most of each school day, but this is a recent, mistaken idea promoted by education bureaucrats.
• The fact is, however, that most American schools were ungraded until the second half of the nineteenth century, the graded school having been introduced in the United States in 1848, when the Quincy Grammar School in Boston, Massachusetts, opened its doors. A number of educators, impressed with the graded schools they had seen in Germany, had been proposing adoption of the technique in this country. The Quincy School was the first built for that purpose; it contained twelve rooms of equal size, four to a floor, in which a teacher and somefifty-five children would meet for a year at a time. The men who created the school predicted that it would set the pattern of American schooling for another fifty years. Their estimate was clearly conservative. Charles Silberman, Crisis in the Classroom: The Remaking of American Education (New York: Random House, 1970) p. 166 (emphasis added). Read the entire article here: http://learninfreedom.org/age_grading_bad.html

It just makes sense for students to be "pulled along" and "pulled up" by students older than themselves. Parents and Teachers can only be part of the equation. We should never underestimate the power of positive peer pressure. I've noticed that with each new child April and I have, and we're now on #6, the younger achieves more sooner because he is always running to catch up with older siblings. This is true in daily life, in daily school, and it is true in our spiritual lives as well. 

If we only spend time with those who are at the same spiritual age as ourselves we should not expect to gain new ground, at least not as quickly as when we sit at the table with those who have gone further with God than ourselves. The difference in Church and school, however, is that age does not mean the number of birthdays one has. Age is something entirely different in God's economy. Age is spiritual maturity. It is not natural, or even beneficial, for the children of God to be confined with other Christians just as mature as ourselves. We must seek out, on a regular basis, those who can pull us up and pull us along to a greater depth and a higher understanding of our Life in Christ. I'm sure most would agree. The real trick is finding a church where you have plenty of opportunities to mix it up with more mature Christians.