[repost] 10 Ways You’re Making Your Life Harder Than It Has To Be

Below is a really great post by Tim Hoch. Very challenging. I'm guilty of several of these; really guilty. It's good to challenge ourselves and get our head straight. For me I have to continuously do each of these: draw near to God (James 4:8), take every thought captive (2 Cor. 10:5), and forgive as the Lord forgives me (Col. 3:13). Without these three I never come close to avoiding the following 10 pitfalls. And, as he states, these sure do make life harder than it has to be.

10 Ways You’re Making Your Life Harder Than It Has To Be [repost]

Tim Hoch

1. You ascribe intent.

Another driver cut you off. Your friend never texted you back. Your co-worker went to lunch without you. Everyone can find a reason to be offended on a steady basis. So what caused you to be offended? You assigned bad intent to these otherwise innocuous actions. You took it as a personal affront, a slap in the face.

Happy people do not do this. They don’t take things personally. They don’t ascribe intent to the unintentional actions of others.

2. You’re the star of your own movie.

It is little wonder that you believe the world revolves around you. After all, you have been at the very center of every experience you have ever had.

You are the star of your own movie. You wrote the script. You know how you want it to unfold. You even know how you want it to end.

Unfortunately you forgot to give your script to anyone else. As a result, people are unaware of the role they are supposed to play. Then, when they screw up their lines, or fail to fall in love with you or don’t give you a promotion, your movie is ruined.

Lose your script. Let someone else star once in awhile. Welcome new characters. Embrace plot twists.

3. You fast forward to apocalypse.

I have a bad habit of fast forwarding everything to its worst possible outcome and being pleasantly surprised when the result is marginally better than utter disaster or jail time. My mind unnecessarily wrestles with events that aren’t even remotely likely. My sore throat is cancer. My lost driver’s license fell into the hands of an al-Qaeda operative who will wipe out my savings account.

Negativity only breeds more negativity. It is a happiness riptide. It will carry you away from shore and if you don’t swim away from it, will pull you under.

4. You have unrealistic and/or uncommunicated expectations.

Among their many shortcomings of your family and friends is the harsh reality that they cannot read your mind or anticipate your whims.

Did your boyfriend forget the six and a half month anniversary of your first movie date? Did your girlfriend refuse to call at an appointed hour? Did your friend fail to fawn over your tribal tattoo?

Unmet expectations will be at the root of most of your unhappiness in life. Minimize your expectations, maximize your joy.

5. You are waiting for a sign.

I have a friend who won’t make a decision without receiving a “sign.” I suppose she is waiting on a trumpeted announcement from God. She is constantly paralyzed by a divinity that is either heavily obscured or frustratingly tardy. I’m not disavowing that fate or a higher power plays a role in our lives. I’m just saying that it is better to help shape fate than be governed by it.

6. You don’t take risks.

Two words: Live boldly. Every single time you are offered a choice that involves greater risk, take it. You will lose on many of them but when you add them up at the end of your life you’ll be glad you did. 

7. You constantly compare your life to others.

A few years ago I was invited to a nice party at a big warehouse downtown. I was enjoying the smooth jazz, box wine and crustless sandwiches. What more could a guy want? Later in the evening I noticed a steady parade of well-heeled people slide past and disappear into another room. I peeked and saw a large party with beautiful revelers dancing and carrying on like Bacchus. Suddenly my gig wasn’t as fun as it had been all because it didn’t appear to measure up to the party next door- a party I didn’t even know existed until just moments before.

I do this frequently. Those people are having more fun. Mary has a bigger boat. Craig gets all the lucky breaks. Ted has more money. John is better looking.

Stop it.

Always remember what Teddy Roosevelt said: “Comparison is the thief of joy.”

8. You let other people steal from you.

If you had a million dollars in cash under your mattress, you would check it regularly and take precautions to insure it is safe. The one possession you have that is more important than money is time. But you don’t do anything to protect it. In fact you willingly give it to thieves. Selfish people, egotistical people, negative people, people who won’t shut up. Treat your time like Fort Knox. Guard it closely and give it only to those who deserve and respect it.

9. You can’t/won’t let go.

These are getting a little harder aren’t they? That’s because sometimes you have to work at happiness. Some hurdles are too difficult to clear by simply adjusting your point of view or adopting a positive mindset.

Do you need to forgive someone? Do you need to turn your back on a failed relationship? Do you need to come to terms with the death of a loved one?

Life is full of loss. But, in a sense, real happiness would not be possible without it.  It helps us appreciate and savor the things that really matter. It helps us grow. It can help us help others grow.

Closure is a word for people who have never really suffered. There’s no such thing. Just try to “manage” your loss. Put it in perspective. You will always have some regret and doubt about your loss. You may always second guess yourself. If only you had said this, or tried that.

You’re not alone. Find someone who understands and talk to that person. Reach out for support. If all else fails, try #10 below.

10. You don’t give back.

One way to deal with loss is to immerse yourself in doing good. Volunteer. Get involved in life.

It doesn’t even have to be a big, structured thing. Say a kind word. Encourage someone. Pay a visit to someone who is alone. Get away from your self-absorption.

When it comes down to it, there are two types of people in this world. There are givers and there are takers. Givers are happy. Takers are miserable. What are you? 

Where, then, is boasting?

There are some things in scripture and in God's plan that are so deeply spiritual they cut to the very core of who we are and how we think. Justification is one of these things. So many questions: How are we justified? Why are we justified? Why are we guilty before being justified? Can we boast that we are justified? 

That justice even exists in God's plan tells us one very important thing: it is needed. We are guilty. We are fallen. We are separated from God. Sin is the wall between us and our Maker. We cannot get to Him because He is Holy. And we are not. A debt must be paid for this wall of sin and it cannot come from us. 

Paul's letter to the Romans can be a bit confusing. The first 4 chapters are written to the Jews in Rome. Paul was addressing their misunderstanding about justification. They continued to think justification came by works, by status, and by obedience to the law. Paul declares the good news is much bigger now; much broader and wider than a handful of Jews. Sure, the Law came through them, the "Chosen" people. But now the grace of God extends even to the Gentiles, those not of Jewish descent. Now we are all God's Chosen people. Justification by the blood of Christ now reaches all who believe.

But now apart from the law the righteousness of God has been made known, to which the Law and the Prophets testify. 22 This righteousness is given through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference between Jew and Gentile, 23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, 24 and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. 25 God presented Christ as a sacrifice of atonement,[i] through the shedding of his blood—to be received by faith. -3:21

It's super clear. But still, if you've been bragging your whole life about being a Jew you might have trouble. It might now even seem fair. You had the bloodline of Abraham before the blood of Christ. It was enough for your parents and their parents before them. And what about the tedious obedience to all those laws?!? Jews did that. Not Gentiles. Wait. What? Gentiles get a free pass?!? After all these years, decades and centuries even?! Now the Good News is getting personal. That is why Paul continues with this: 

27 Where, then, is boasting? It is excluded. Because of what law? The law that requires works? No, because of the law that requires faith. 28 For we maintain that a person is justified by faith apart from the works of the law. 29 Or is God the God of Jews only? Is he not the God of Gentiles too? Yes, of Gentiles too, 30 since there is only one God, who will justify the circumcised by faith and the uncircumcised through that same faith. 

There are some things in scripture and in God's plan that are so deeply spiritual they cut to the very core of who we are and how we think. Justification is one of these things.The Jews needed to hear that they were no better than the Gentiles because both are justified by faith in the blood of Christ. What about today? In the world we live in are there not those who think they are better than others? Maybe we are tempted to think like the Jews did, that maybe we are better than some other "types" of Christians. Yes. Unfortunately. Boasting is not excluded. But it should be. 

Is God the God of your church only? 

Is God the God of missionaries only? 

                      ... of worship leaders only?

                      ... of evangelists only? 

                      ... of the poor only?

Is God the God of the _______ only? 

The list could go on ... indefinitely. Just fill in the blank. 

If you have faith in Christ and in His blood, then, according to the Gospel laid out here in scripture, by the Spirit of God, you are justified!! Don't listen to those who tell you otherwise; those who place conditions on your salvation. There is only One condition. You are redeemed by the Blood of the Lamb! -- not by works, by status, or by obedience to the law. 

Where, then, is boasting? 

Boasting is excluded because we are included by faith. 

Spiritually abusive ministries…

Here's another good list, this time from Mary DeMuth's blog. These are sure-fire ways of recognizing spiritual abuse and the leaders who perpetrate it. I'm adding this post to several posts on spiritual abuse. Spiritual abusive ministries...

 

1. Have a distorted view of respect. They forget the simple adage that respect is earned, not granted. Abusive leaders demand respect without having earned it by good, honest living.
2. Demand allegiance as proof of the follower’s allegiance to Christ. It’s either his/her way or no way. And if a follower deviates, he is guilty of deviating from Jesus.
3. Use exclusive language. “We’re the only ministry really following Jesus.” “We have all the right theology.” Believe their way of doing things, thinking theologically, or handling ministry and church is the only correct way. Everyone else is wrong, misguided, or stupidly naive.
4. Create a culture of fear and shame. Often there is no grace for someone who fails to live up to the church’s or ministry’s expectation. And if someone steps outside of the often-unspoken rules, leaders shame them into compliance. Can’t admit failure but often searches out failure in others and uses that knowledge to hold others in fear and captivity. They often quote scriptures about not touching God’s anointed, or bringing accusations against an elder. Yet they often confront sin in others, particularly ones who bring up legitimate biblical issues. Or they have their circle of influence take on this task, silencing critics.
5. Often have a charismatic leader at the helm who starts off well, but slips into arrogance, protectionism and pride. Where a leader might start off being personable and interested in others’ issues, he/she eventually withdraws to a small group of “yes people” and isolates from the needs of others. Harbors a cult of personality, meaning if the central figure of the ministry or church left, the entity would collapse, as it was entirely dependent on one person to hold the place together.
6. Cultivate a dependence on one leader or leaders for spiritual information. Personal discipleship isn’t encouraged. Often the Bible gets pushed away to the fringes unless the main leader is teaching it.
7. Demand servanthood of their followers, but live prestigious, privileged lives.They live aloof from their followers and justify their extravagance as God’s favor and approval on their ministry. Unlike Jesus’ instructions to take the last seat, they often take the first seat at events and court others to grant them privileges.
8. Buffer him/herself from criticism by placing people around themselves whose only allegiance is to the leader. Views those who bring up issues as enemies. Those who were once friends/allies swiftly become enemies once a concern is raised. Sometimes these folks are banished, told to be silent, or shamed into submission.
9. Hold to outward performance but rejects authentic spirituality. Places burdens on followers to act a certain way, dress an acceptable way, and have an acceptable lifestyle.
10. Use exclusivity for allegiance. Followers close to the leader or leaders feel like insiders. Everyone else is on the outside, though they long to be in that inner circle.

If you see any of these signs in the church you are in or from a church leader... it's time to RUN AWAY!!! 

(Unless, of course, God is calling you to fight back against it. Do so if you have a chance of change and can protect your own spiritual health in the process. NEVER forget WHO you are in CHRIST.)

Another Gospel? Is Justification by Works Still Taught in ChurchesToday?

I am astonished that you are so quickly deserting the one who called you by the grace of Christ and are turning to a different gospel - which is really no gospel at all. vs. 6-7

In his letter to the church in Galatia Paul takes dead aim at the legalism of the Jews calling it "a different gospel." The issue? They were teaching the Gentiles they had to be justified by works. They were turning from the blood of Christ to something that was no gospel at all. They promoted a justification by works instead of the Christ-centered gospel of grace. In chapter two Paul writes, 

“We who are Jews by birth and not sinful Gentiles know that a person is not justified by the works of the law, but by faith in Jesus Christ. -vs.15-16

It's plain and simple: a person is not justified by works. This is in keeping with many, many other scriptures. Paul continues...

So we, too, have put our faith in Christ Jesus that we may be justified by faith in Christ and not by the works of the law, because by the works of the law no one will be justified.

It is by faith in Christ and not "by the works" of the law that we are made right with God. It seems so easy. But is justification by works still taught today in churches? Unfortunately, yes. 

There are many churches today which teach "another Gospel," one that leads people astray into insecurity or self-righteousness. Insecurity takes root in the heart when he or she thinks they are not doing enough to please God. Self-righteousness comes when they think they have done enough. 

Any and every "gospel" that does not rely solely on the atonement of sin by the blood of Christ is by nature a works-based gospel. And, honestly, these performance-orientated gospels are not gospels at all, because gospel means "good news." There is no good news to the idea that what you do somehow makes you right with God. So where does this corrupt thinking come from?

The works-based teaching in churches comes from two places: 

1. A distortion of scriptures
2. A need to control or manipulate people

The most common abuse of scripture is when a proof text takes place in order to support the teacher's previously held opinions about works. This teacher most often fails to place the single scripture in the wider context. Here's an example: 

In chapter one, Peter's letter reads: 

¹⁷ Since you call on a Father who judges each person’s work impartially, live out your time as foreigners here in reverent fear. 

Stopping right here the teacher might note that the Father judges our works. He might begin to build a case for works based on this one passage, failing to read on to very next verse: 

¹⁸ For you know that it was not with perishable things such as silver or gold that you were redeemed from the empty way of life handed down to you from your ancestors, ¹⁹ but with the precious blood of Christ, a lamb without blemish or defect.  

The true gospel is clear -- that we were indeed "redeemed...with the precious blood of Christ." This redemption, this true gospel, is the primary theme of the entire new testament. Furthermore, that a Messiah would come and be a perfect sacrifice for our sins is prophesied over and over throughout the old testament. Truly, someone who teaches that we are somehow justified by what we do must distort and ignore a great number of passages in the Bible. This leads to manipulation and spiritual abuse. 

The only motive that a teacher has for promoting a works-based "gospel" is in order to manipulate and control people. Since the teaching that we are justified by works leaves the soul devoid of true Joy in the Lord, as well as leaves the spirit still dead in sin, the teacher has no choice but to increase the false-teachings in order to promote fear. This was the case with the Jews in Galatia. And, unfortunately, it's still the case today where fear is used to keep people from leaving "the church." 

But are we really ever justified by works? No. 

On the contrary -- what we "do" should be the result of what we "believe" by faith. Grace leads to works. Because we have been justified freely by God's grace we desire to please Him; to labor for His Kingdom. The proper motivation is the response we have to the free gift He gives us. We do not work to earn the gift. It's a gift! This allows us to live by faith in the Son of God...

¹⁹ “For through the law I died to the law so that I might live for God. ²⁰ I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. ²¹ I do not set aside the grace of God, for if righteousness could be gained through the law, Christ died for nothing!”

Christ did NOT die for nothing! Christ died for YOU. Christ died for ME! He shed His blood by choice when he could have called on a vast angelic host to rescue Him. Instead, he willingly walked a road of pain and humility, of torture and abandonment. He did this for one reason and to prove one thing --- GRACE! 

For God so loved the world that He gave...  

Leaders in the Church: Qualifications

In the previous three posts I began a new topic on spiritual abuse. This topic has become of interest to me because of the prevalence of spiritual abuse and how it robs Christians of their true joy in the Lord. God has added to my heart and life a desire and plan to help people be set free from spiritual abuse. 

The number one ingredient which causes spiritual abuse is a misguided church leader, or church leadership. Each of the five characteristics of spiritually abusive churches stem from the leadership. So how does a church solve this dangerous problem? The best place to start is with the scriptures. 

The following list of qualifications for church leadership is from Paul's first letter to Timothy (chp. 3:1-12). During a time of rapid expansion of Christianity churches were forming by the thousands, all over Judea and beyond. Timothy was a church planter who looked to Paul for advice. Below is what Paul had to say. In my opinion these are not recommendations. I think Paul thought of these as conditions, or qualifications, for being a leader. I'm sure Timothy and others like him were tempted to cut corners and appoint some men without the following qualifications, especially in light of the need. But they did not. 

"It is a true statement that anyone whose goal is to serve as an elder has his heart set on a good work. ² An elder 

• must be such a good man that no one can rightly criticize him.

• He must be faithful to his wife. 

• He must have self-control and be wise.

• He must be respected by others.

• He must be ready to help people by welcoming them into his home.

• He must be a good teacher. ³ 

• He must not drink too much, and he must

• not be someone who likes to fight.

• He must be gentle and peaceful.

• He must not be someone who loves money. ⁴

• He must be a good leader of his own family. This means that his children obey him with full respect. ⁵ If a man does not know how to lead his own family, he will not be able to take care of God’s church. 6 

• An elder must not be a new believer. It might make him too proud of himself. Then he would be condemned for his pride the same as the devil was. ⁷ 

• An elder must also have the respect of people who are not part of the church. Then he will not be criticized by others and be caught in the devil’s trap.

I'll comment on just a couple here. One, the church leader should have "self control." Someone who cannot control their temper is not fit for church leadership. Period. As the old adage goes, "Don't raise your voice; improve your argument." A man who is quick to anger will do more harm than good. At this point a person with a short fuse might make excuses for himself and point to the over-turning of tables by Jesus. Sorry, not the same. Jesus did not "loose it." He intentionally showed anger in order to make a point. He was never out of control. Being out of control would be sin. And we know Jesus was sinless. A "hot head" on the other hand should not be a leader in a church, unless he allows the Spirit of God to remove his anger issues. 

Another qualification stands out to me: "respected by others," including those "who are not part of the church." A man who does not have the respect of the people he is leading in his church, and does not have the respect of people in the community is not fit for church leadership. Respect comes from people trusting him. If he is not trusted he will be ineffective in his demonstration of Godly leadership. Furthermore  respect and trust must be earned. It is not simply granted to him because of his charisma, experience, education, or ambition. Respect and trust are measured by the people he seeks to lead. If he coerces or manipulates others in order to appear trustworthy the truth will always catch up to him. Therefore, Paul includes this one in his letter to Timothy. 

Finally, the person should be "a good leader of his own family." Now this one is very important. I think these are ALL very important. But this one is about family, and the local church is supposed to be like a family. We are, after-all, brothers and sisters in Christ. If a church leader does not have a good track record leading his own family, or has lost control or is loosing control of the kids in his family, he should not lead in the church. Instead he should focus all his attention on his family, and seek the Spirit of God for wisdom and guidance. A church leaders should NEVER say he is or was called to "sacrifice" time with his family in order to "lead God's church." This is only an excuse. God does not see leadership of ones family and leadership within the church as in competition to one another. If he did he never would have included this as a qualification for church leadership. Leadership of ones family is like a person's resume as he "applies" for leadership in a church. If he cannot provide solid spiritual direction at home he should not be considered for leadership in the Body of Christ. That's what Paul tells Timothy. And he concludes with the following: 

 ⁸ In the same way, the men who are chosen to be special servants must have the respect of others. They must not be men who say things they don’t mean or who spend their time drinking too much. They must not be men who will do almost anything for money. ⁹ They must follow the true faith that God has now made known to us and always do what they know is right. ¹⁰ You should test them first. Then, if you find that they have done nothing wrong, they can be special servants.

Here Paul reiterates a couple previous qualifications and ends with the a strong admonition to "follow the true faith that God has made known to us." Both then and now there are challenges to this "true faith" made known to us. True faith is built around the true Gospel -- that Christ came as God in the flesh in order to make atonement for the sins of man. If this is not the center of the leader's teaching he will not likely lead people to freedom in Christ. But if it is his center, and if he meets all the other qualifications prescribed here by God through Paul, he "can be a special servant." 

~~~~~~~~~
Future post: "What Should I Do if My Church Leader Doesn't Meet God's Qualifications?"  

Grace Received? Grace to Give!

After doing a search for "grace" in Biblegateway.com I'm thrilled to see such a variety of uses. (You can do this search and your own study, too! Don't let someone else tell you what the Bible says. Read it! It's awesome and will change your life!!)  One thing jumped off the screen into my lap this morning. The whole point of understanding and receiving the grace of God is so that we can give the same grace to others. We can talk and write about grace but if we are not "gracious" ourselves our testimony is null and void. If we cannot love others with the same unconditional love with which the Father loves us then we should not speak of grace. First, we receive grace:

Acts 15:11 We believe it is through the grace of our Lord Jesus that we are saved, just as they are.”
Romans 3:24 ...and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.
Ephesians 1:7 In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace

...to name a few. All three of these (and most of the others in the NT) are from the Greek work khar'-ece, which is defined in Strongs as "graciousness, of manner or act, especially the divine influence upon the heart, and its reflection in the life; including gratitude."

We are indeed saved by Grace and not by works so that NO one can boast (Eph 2:8-9). There's no way in the universe to be saved from our sins other than the redemptive blood shed at Calvary. No effort, no action, no work can justify us. WE are saved by grace. And this is of vital importance. If we do not begin here; if we begin with any form or works-righteousness, whether subtle or blatant, we will miss the application which is "Grace to give." If we do not feel and even OWN the belief that we are saved by the effort, action, and work of Christ alone then we will be more likely to judge, condemn, ridicule, and slander others. WE will have little or no grace to give. Our ability to cover another person with grace is directly proportional to our own understanding of being covered by God's grace. Let me repeat that: Our ability to cover another person with grace is directly proportional to our own understanding of being covered by God's grace. That's how we have grace to give. 

Grace to give:

Luke 2:40And the child grew and became strong; he was filled with wisdom, and the grace of God was on him.
Acts 13:43 When the congregation was dismissed, many of the Jews and devout converts to Judaism followed Paul and Barnabas, who talked with them and urged them to continue in the grace of God.
Acts 4:33 With great power the apostles continued to testify to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus. And God’s grace was so powerfully at work in them all.

A man (and a woman) can be known to be "full of God's grace" just as was Stephen. Christ Himself was "filled" with the grace of God.  ARE we known to be full of God's grace? Were the Apostles known to be full of God's grace? Yes indeed. The GRACE (khar'-ece) was "SO" powerfully at work in them all. Oh, yes. This IS the same greek work as in those three verses above: "graciousness, of manner or act, especially the divine influence upon the heart, and its reflection in the life; including gratitude."  

So first we receive God's grace in the form of redemption from sins and we receive eternal life through the actions of God in Christ. We are justified by God's grace. How do we know all of this? "Through faith." We must believe it. If you struggle to believe, ask God for more faith. He loves that prayer, and will answer with a resounding yes. Ask Him. You'll see. If you've been taught something other than we are "saved by grace through faith" then ask God to undo the false teaching in your life and replace it with HIS Truth which appears in scripture and which will testify  in your heart by the Spirit. You'll know the grace of God as it grows in you. And like the Spring flowers after a long winter you will come alive! 

Second, "out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks."  We should not think we understand the Father's grace if we are not also filled with grace. (This is so deeply convicting even as I study this for I have so far to go.) What about the Apostles? Their lives were not marked by their intellect, leadership, and lectures. They were known for their grace. Grace for every occasion, every person, everyday. The "great power" of the Apostles was a power to be filled up with God's grace and to overflow to others. But forget about the apostles for a minute. That was a long time ago. What about you and me? Are we working through the power of God's grace?

• Do we have grace for the one who disagrees with us? 
• Do we have grace for the person who hurt us? 
• Do we have grace for the struggling believer?
• Do we have grace for the person who slanders us?  
• Do we have grace for the faulty church? 
• Do we have grace for the legalists? 
• Do we have grace for the modern pharisees? 
• De we have grace for the sinners and the saints alike?
• Do we have grace for ourselves? 

If our lives are not marked by Grace; if we are not filled with the power of Grace; then we likely don't understand the Grace which God has freely given. Fortunately, it's never too late to learn. God LOVES to help us grow in our understanding of His grace. All we need to do is ask.

His love will overcome.